Category: Weekly Blog

This blog will be entirely metaphorical, piecing together parts of road trips to create, in my opinion, The Perfect Road Trip. It will be broken down into categories: The company, the essentials, and the vibes. This doesn’t necessarily cover everything that can go into a road trip, but covers the things I find most necessary for a road trip.

The Company is perhaps the most important but also the most adaptable part of this whole trip. There is only one person who I need there, then a general archetype for everyone else. I’ll start with this, the ideal road trip is 4-5 people, so I am going off the basis of adding 3-4 other people. I am the driver, as I said before I like having the control and support of being the driver, and it allows others to rest if needed (but more on that in the vibes section). The only specific person I need is my wife, McKenna, in the passenger seat. If I need help with directions she knows how I like hearing them, if I need a snack she knows what I want, and if there is only one person who will be talking to me at any point I’d want it to be her. The back seat has a little more versatility in my mind, I would say I have archetypes of people I enjoy and make the perfect trip, and I have multiple friends who fit each one. Person number 1 I need is another conversationalist. I am very comfortable creating conversations out of nothing, but having 1 other person who can do something similar gives me a break from talking and everyone else a break from hearing me yap. Person number 2 is one of my quiet but insightful friends. That person who is a great listener and doesn’t need to talk a ton, but when they do it makes everyone listen and is always funny, entertaining, and/or insightful. Person number 3 needs three traits, they need to fit personality wise with everyone else in the car, they need a small head so they don’t block my view in the rearview mirror, and they need to be ok sitting in the middle seat. Like I said, all of these descriptions fit multiple people I know, and as long as the parameters are met and my wife is in the passenger seat, I am not incredibly picky on who they are specifically. 

The Essentials is a broad category. It jumps between food, music, stops, and everything in between. Music is less important to me than it may be to other people on a road trip; I prefer having good conversation more than I want music overpowering it. I have a playlist specifically made as basically “background music” that is good to have on a lower volume while driving so it isn’t dead silent between words but also doesn’t make the music the main ingredient of the drive. There is certainly room for a jam session (again, more on that in the vibes section) but generally the music is a side to the main dish of conversation. Food/drink is important to me. If we are on a long drive I have to be careful how much I drink, but I love having a soda/energy drink as well as an easy-to-eat while driving snack, both typically gotten at a gas station we stop at before we start the drive. My go to snack would be Twizzler Nibs (if you don’t know what those are, you’re missing out) and the drink is entirely dependent on my mood that day because I like pretty much any soda or carbonated drink there is. A stop (at a gas station or anywhere for that matter) shouldn’t happen sooner than every 3 hours, but I would prefer more like 4 or so. If I got a stop every 4 hours I would feel comfortable driving as far as 12 hours for one trip (although the longest I have ever done is 8) but the perfect road trip would be anywhere from 6-8 hours. I honestly don’t particularly care for any specific path on the trip, I somewhat go on autopilot when I drive so the interior going on matters more than the view, but I guess I wouldn’t mind a few nice views outside.

The Vibes is a bit of an oddball category, but I am a big vibes guy in general. The best road trips I have had have created good enough vibes the time flies by and you only remember laughs, good times, and great conversation, not numb limbs, cramped leg room, or the lull of highway driving. There are 3 phases of vibes that feel necessary for a road trip, and can happen in really any order. Vibe number 1 is some sort of car game. This can be the alphabet game, 20 questions, million dollars but… (if you have never heard of this game please ask me about it, it is so much fun), or anything in between, but they get everyone in the car involved and anyone can participate. Vibe number 2 is a jam session, it is tiring and usually cannot maintain for a super extended period of a time, but having people all join the same Spotify jam and queue up personal favorites is an immaculate vibe. You get the best kind of whiplash when it goes from Temperature by Sean Paul to Piano Man by Billy Joel, and everyone screaming their heads off for a bit can give the perfect burst of energy when needed. Vibe number 3 is an odd one, it is a short nap time for everyone else. Most people would hate being the lone awake person driving a bunch of slumberers, but I actually enjoy having 30-60 mins with quiet music and nothing else. Everyone else gets a chance to either recover from a trip or rest up going into one, and it gives me a vocal break (ya know, since I never stop yapping) and a little time for self reflection. Like I said, these vibes can happen in any order, and the entire trip doesn’t have to consist of these, but they all need to happen at some point. The gaps between being filled by good conversation had by great friends just ties it all together.

I’m sure I missed things I value, or added things most other people wouldn’t, but those are the ingredients to my perfect road trip. The 3-4 people I want, the essentials, and the vibes. Let me know what I missed or what you would have on your perfect road trip.

Sincerely,

Just a guy talking to himself

This sounds similar to another blog, but is a totally different idea and one that I think was fun to do (mostly because it was a lot of compliments to me). I texted 16 people who I felt knew me really well, a conglomeration of friends and family, and asked the first 3 words they thought of to describe me. I didn’t give anything else pushing them in a direction (I just told them to not think too deeply and that it was for a blog). I thought about adding something about not being afraid to go slightly negative or not in an all positive direction, but I couldn’t think of how to properly word it without essentially asking for a negative word, and I wanted it to be as instinctive of a decision as possible. After getting all the responses, I have it broken into 4 categories. The first category has the most words and I would say is the most accurate category to who I am, and each category has slightly less words and I would say is less descriptive of who I am, but these are 4 very *Spencer* categories regardless. 

The first category is Relational words, essentially how I love, care, and show up for other people. This category is not only the biggest, but contains the only word said more than twice: loyal. There are few words, if any, that I would be more proud to have been called that many times. Pair it up with words like loving, kind, selfless, thoughtful, dependable, and so many more, and I am ecstatic that this was the category that defines me more than any other. Being someone who cares so deeply for those around me and puts a ton of effort into showing it, this little experiment helped show me that it was all worth it.

Relational Words: Loyal, Loving, Kind, Compassionate, Supportive, Understanding, Nurturing, Protective, Selfless, Thoughtful, Attentive, Emotionally Intelligent, Empathetic, Dependable, Steadfast, Humble, Intentional

The next category of words was social words. Ones that described me in social settings as a whole. There were some gimme words like conversationalist or friendly, but besides those this contained perhaps the two most thoughtful words anyone gave: Engaged and Connector. The person who gave engaged gave a reasoning as well, and that’s what made it mean to much. He told me I always seemed really into whatever I was doing, always had good body language, and always sounds interested and excited about what I do. This meant a ton as sometimes I feel like if I don’t give good energy it’ll bring the whole vibe down, so knowing that it helps is great. Connector was also a good one to hear, being seen as a sort of glue guy made me feel very seen, as I love bringing people together that I think would be good friends, as well as filling in the gaps of an environment to be what is needed at that moment. Also big shoutout to energy-matching, it was the only non-one word phrase I got despite not telling people it had to be 3 individual words.  

Social Words: Friendly, Outgoing, Personable, Conversationalist, Connector, Genuine, Real, Energy-Matching, Excited, Engaged

Now for the third category, personality words. This is somewhat nit-picky to be separate from social words, but I felt they were more “who is Spencer” and less “what is Spencer” type words. Perhaps the best word anyone ever could have chosen was from my wife’s grandma, and that was handsome (and she said it face to face too). Other than that it was good words from people about who I *am* as a person in their eyes. There is a decent sized gaps between the first two categories and the last two in terms of quantity of words, but these all are still integral in the story of describing me. 

Personality Words: Funny, Hilarious, Comical, Confident, Handsome, Adventurous, Baller

The last section is mental words. They’re all representative of the right brain side of Spencer; me when I am focused and working through a problem or answering a question. I would say they aren’t as prominent in my day to day and common personality, but are important to keeping me balanced and mature. I can be a bit whimsical or goofy at times, but I am able to reach the analytical or reliable or intelligent parts of me when I need them.

Mental Words: Intentional, Smart, Intelligent, Analytical, Reliable

This was an interesting thought experiment, not only in seeing how others see me, but in taking a step back and evaluating how I feel about the type of person I am portraying to others. My conclusion: I’ll take it. 

When I say riding shotgun, I don’t mean that literally. Like all of these blogs, I have to make it relevant to driving, I mean metaphorically riding shotgun with me through life. If you got a front row seat to the life of Spencer, what would you learn that other people don’t? Even someone in a back seat or a car parked next to me wouldn’t learn the small intimate details about me that few get to know; the good, the bad, and everything in between. I’m not some secret evil overlord with a laundry list of flaws I keep hidden and I’m not a covert saint doing hidden acts of service all day. I’m a pretty normal guy who does his best to be a good person, but like anyone there are parts of me I don’t enjoy, and there are parts of me others find inimitable and unique (after using inimitable casually and correctly, I’ve decided to try and use at least one fancy word in each blog). Today’s blog will go into those character traits that are behind the curtain of intimate friendships and relationships.

Let’s peel back the harder part of today, those personal flaws that I do my best to hide from people but are also dastardly important in me being who I am. My anxiety is far from a secret; I’ve become very at peace with what it is and don’t run from admitting it. That being said, a lot of the truly difficult side effects of my anxiety are a little more hidden. My body is hyper aware of trying to understand the feelings of others, I’m sure I’m not always right, but I spend a lot of time reading body language, verbiage, and the general mood of those around me, especially people I am close to. The negative comes into play when I read what I view as an undesirable emotion without a clear motivation, and my body will make up some reason I caused or am the root of that emotion. With friends I’ll assume a lull in conversation or dip in a mood is because I made a joke that was *that* bad or was overwhelming the room (that one is probably more realistic to be fair). With family I’ll take tense moments as an oncoming conflict that started because I became a road block in a decision. With strangers I’ll read a closed off nature as a poor first impression by me. In all of these moments I feel an overwhelming need to make up for a fault my brain made up. I’ll try to crack another joke, I’ll change my decision, or I’ll overcompensate my personality. This is what I view as my greatest flaw I want to correct; not only an over assumption of others moods, but a nagging need to correct how they feel by myself. Outside of that, I also can’t run away from my anxiety no matter what I do. I feel a sense of dread that despite the pain and suffering it causes me, that it is also why I am who I am. I can logically explain that any positives I gain from it could continue into a post-anxiety life, but I can never take the full leap into committing myself to take major steps in getting rid of anxiety. All the other things that really *flatten my tire* (future blog by the way) can almost always tie back to my anxiety, so maybe one day I can cut that dead root.

But for now, I take the time to still focus on my positive traits. Anxiety or not, I really truly deeply care about other people. If I could have one thing in life, it would be the reputation of someone who uplifts others. Even with someone I just met, my brain is automatically on a “what can I do to make this person’s day better” wavelength. I also have a weirdly in depth knowledge of the NBA. That isn’t as heartfelt as the rest of the blog, but I usually keep that side of me out of the sunlight because it can be a bit odd so it fits the prompt. I also very rarely need to ask a question or be taught something twice. I take pride in being a sponge of knowledge, so learning from others and retaining that knowledge is important to me. I also do my best to never forget someone, at least not entirely. If we meet once and run into each other months later, I may not remember you entirely, but I will know we’ve met and have at least some memory of that meeting. Ideally this list of positive traits is a little bit longer, but that’s about all I’ve got for now. Whether this is from not having more positive traits I like or being uncomfortable with tooting my own horn, that’s it for today.  

Sincerely,

Just a guy talking to himself

This is the first of potentially many (or the first of just one) recaps of old drives. This one won’t be a specific drive, or a specific moment. More than anything, it will recap snippets of recurring memories from drive to drive, but not just any drives, specifically my family drives to St. Louis. My mom and her family are from St. Louis, and for a big portion of the beginning of my life some of my dad’s family lived there too, so I’ve made that 4ish hour drive many times in my day. I don’t have many memories of entire drives there, but I do remember the cliches and consistencies that ran through each of them. The snacks we’d have, the seats we’d fight over, and the ways I’d pass the time.

The conversation (or more accurately the argument) that happened every single road trip my family of four took was who got the third row seat between my sister and me. My mom had a minivan for all of our childhood years, which meant whoever got the back row got to ride like a king. Full bench to lay out on, place to plug in our Nintendo DS, can hide from dads glare when he says “don’t lay down all the way, that’s unsafe”; basically as close to luxury living as you can get for a road trip. Being the type of person I am (and my sister being who she is) either I would back down early to avoid a fight or my mom would just yell out who got it and tell us to stop arguing (I can’t blame her, our arguments have always just gone in circles over and over). This also set the tone that usually the less talking that had to happen between me and my sister the better, after about 30 seconds it would usually devolve into fighting, with the lone exception being if we played the Alphabet Game, versus each other or together; this bonded us in unity and peace in a time where nothing else could. The only other conversation was momentary requests for snacks from the snack bag, a bag that I remember primarily consisting of twizzlers, mini pringles, and water bottles, although the water bottles were something I was usually forbidden from drinking, not out of cruelty, but for the sake of timeliness. It wasn’t until my later years (15+ maybe?) that I was able to actually hold my bladder in times of need. Even if I went to the bathroom right before we left, it was damn near guaranteed we would need one stop, and sometimes even two, in the four hour drive. I knew I was annoying in the moment too, but for me my choice was to pee my pants or make us stop at a gas station, so I feel like I was making the right decision. I also was annoying because for some reason it felt like the ultimate freedom to be able to take my shoes off for a long trip, but I always had to ask over and over ‘Can I take my shoes off now?” until I finally got permission. I know, very weird behavior by me there. 

Now for passing the time, I had many ways throughout the years. I was always a big reader, so my first choice was usually whatever book I had at the time: Percy Jackson, Heroes of Olympus, or my personal favorite still, Ranger’s Apprentice. I was a fast reader though, so sometimes through ill prep that wasn’t enough. A fall back after that for some time was my Nintendo DS, or eventually games on a phone or tablet. A non-digital option was also the imaginary running ninja man. I have described this on the podcast before, but I would imagine a sort of super powered ninja man running and jumping and flipping from a power line to a mailbox to a car parked on the road back to a power line, basically doing whatever he needed to stay off the ground and keep up to speed with our car, even if most of those actions defied all laws of physics. This would keep me occupied for a surprising amount of time, sometimes hours at a time. I also aged into being a big napper in my teenage years, so that sapped up a lot of time too. One time me and my dad drove just us two a day after my mom and sister (I don’t remember why) to St. Louis, and he took pictures of all the curious ways I laid while napping. I did everything except a full backflip in the seat, with the combination of my weird movement and the constriction of the seatbelt contorting me like a circus act. 

As I am now, I enjoy being the driver for road trips more than a passenger now. It gives me something to focus on, allows me to be in control of things like the AC and the aux (even if that control is giving someone else the aux), and also allows others to sleep or do what they want instead of being the driver. I still eat snacks, but everything else I used to do on long road trips is probably frowned upon doing when behind the wheel. That being said, it is still nice to reminisce on days that once were.

Sincerely,

Just a guy talking to himself

Dear Younger Spencer,

This is a letter to a broad and non-specified version of myself as a younger kid. It isn’t being sent just to Spencer in second grade when he was Elfis (an Elf version of Elvis) or Spencer in eighth grade when he was finishing a growth spurt and was built like uncooked spaghetti or Spencer as a junior in high school feeling behind the curve in school, sports, theater, and life in general. It is to each of them and every other version of Spencer too. 5-10 years down the line I will look back on me now as a “Man you need some advice” version of myself too, but as of now this is the oldest and most mature I’ve ever been so for the next 500 to 1,000 words I will act as if I know exactly what they needed to hear (even if I feel like I know nothing now either).

Two words: “You’re fine”. That goes for whichever Spencer reads this part. As an Elementary school kid who feels like an outsider because he has glasses and is the only boy in dance class, you’re still smart for your age, have a huge heart, and you’re even the fastest in your class (which at your age is a huge deal). As a middle schooler struggling with all the issues and changes that come with that age, so is everyone else. Nobody knows how to deal with puberty, nobody else notices your slight peach fuzz, and nobody will remember that you wore bright red shorts and a blue headband to school for spirit day (besides yourself, seriously dude that was not your best moment). As a high schooler, you’re doing well for yourself. Even if you feel like you don’t “fit in” with any groups because you bounce around cliques, you have a girlfriend who will become your wife and friends who will end up in your wedding. As a college student, it’s ok that you feel equally burnt out from overdoing it and unprepared for the real world. You are a good role model for those younger than you, and you’re just as prepared as those you look up to were at your age. And lastly to Spencer a year, month, week, or day ago, you’re learning and growing exactly how you need to. I got great advice at my college grad party (so most of the Spencer’s I’ve written to haven’t heard it yet) and that advice was “Nobody knows what they’re doing, some people are just better at faking it” (thank you Mark). It has helped me rationalize how I feel and understand as long as I put my best foot forward and do my best to do my best, that is what matters. 

I don’t have a ton of great advice for my younger self other than “you’ll figure it out kid”. If there happens to be someone younger than me reading this now, my advice would be the same. Younger me, you will not do everything right. You will make mistakes. You will try to be more independent than you are and stumble where you wouldn’t have if you asked for help. You will also have moments of great pride and success. You will marry the woman of your dreams, you’ll get a job you love, and you’ll focus on making yourself a little bit better everyday. Continue to put one foot forward everyday and don’t miss out on the journey thinking too much about the destination.

Sincerely,

Just a guy talking to himself